Kink-Infused Coaching for High Achievers

Smart people need a dose of craziness to heal.

1.jpg

Hello,

I'm Dr. Jingshu Zhu,
a psycho-somatic coach,
a passionate advocate for kink as medicine,
for people who are highly educated, highly intelligent, highly achieved, yet all too often in doubt and pain.

I know, that's a lot of information in one sentence. Let's unpack the keywords.

Kink

Not just the kind in your favorable porn (I totally celebrate that), but more dauntingly -

To get unprecedented pleasure from things that you deeply resist, that you find displeasing, disturbing and disgusting (shout out to the life-changing book Existential Kink by Carolyn Elliott).

I did my doctoral on the topic of lying and truth-telling in queers and polyamorists. Having met people who are so "abnormal", "deviant", yet so gay (as in happy), radiant, quirky, and wise, I know there's something powerful in sexuality and something very, very liberating in becoming a bit wild and astray.

In my private life, I like to be a sadist, a dominatrix. I love to make people feel strong sensations. I love well-played power dynamics. I love making neat things dirty. I love discomfort. Tension. Messing things up.

And I can't pretend that I don't enjoy the flip side - the masochist, the submissive, being tied up, being humiliated, receiving high sensations, getting messed up.

Having been a coach, healer, facilitator, and trainer for years, though, I hardly brought kink into my work, for fear of not being "professional", until I started to feel the boredom, the itch, the thirst. Compartmentalizing my professional self and sexual self seems to bruise my soul.

I started to wonder, why not combine them?

Especially, what if some people just NEED a bit of juicy, edgy stuff to transform?

Like -

High Achievers

I was one.

I lived in fear (not even aware) for 25 years, wrapping myself in high performance:

  • I longed for intimacy but was also terrified of it, so I could never stay in a long-term or committed relationship.
  • I got a Ph.D with an award-winning essay, yet I still believed I was "not good enough".
  • I learned to people please while neglecting my own needs and boundaries.
  • I used reason to do away with inconvenient feelings.
  • I suffered for years from eating disorders and stomach pain.
  • My nerve system was constantly on high alert, so I didn't know what "rest" or "play" really meant.

Like attract like. Over the years, I've worked with many high-achieving clients - including millionaires - who are unhappy. Their issues include:

  • Burnout and career crisis
  • Eating disorders and body image problems
  • Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)
  • Imposter syndrome; strong inner critic
  • People-pleasing, hard to say the real "no" or "yes"
  • Anxiety and Panic Attacks
  • Low self-esteem
  • Procrastination
  • Fear of commitment and abandonment
  • Fear-driven polyamory and BDSM
  • Sexual trauma or unwanted touches
  • Difficulty in sex or orgasm
  • Spiritually woke, yet unable to ground in the material world

On top of these, for many high achievers who turn to the self-help field, the biggest trap is - healing itself has become another goal to achieve.

Binging on all sorts of therapy, coaching programs, and spiritual retreats ...

I've been there.

Only this time, being a "good student" doesn't work. Controlling the process doesn't, either.

Luckily, there can be so much fun if we play with our body-mind.

Psycho-Somatic

is a fancy way to say that our body and mind are intermingled. Sometimes they live in harmony, but oftentimes they're in a constant kinky play - tickling, torturing, and taming each other.

In their toy bags, one has allergies, insomnia, chronic fatigue, and the other negative beliefs, inner criticism, self-victimizing stories...

For a long time, I believed healing means my body and mind should always love each other, so that I can finally live like an Instagram yogi: peaceful, happy, abundant, and btw, always having a cup of green smoothie on the side.

However, now I believe that on some weird days, our body and mind just have perverted love for each other. They fight, they shout. If you don't appreciate that, you'll find it a "problem" and keep digging deeper and working on your childhood.

It will take quite some radical honesty to accept that it's fine, and even fun, to have them in conflict sometimes.

And it takes discernment, like a medical examination (kink association intended), from moment to moment, to observe and taste:

  • What thoughts are there?
  • What are the sensations in the body?
  • How are they impacting each other?
  • Who (which part of me) loves this discomfort secretly?
  • How can I make it even more intense (the masochist way)?
  • How can I fight that (the brat)?
  • Can I laugh about all these?
  • Can I play with the tension? Maybe even... getting high from it?
  • If not, can I grieve however I want, however long I want?
red round fruits in close up photography

FAQs

  1. Is your offering similar to that of a professional dominatrix?

No. Although my sessions can be playful, adventurous, and stimulating, essentially, they are for the purpose of healing, empowerment and liberation.

Anything you imagine about a dominatrix, I'm not like that. I don't dom my coachees by making commands or being rude. If there's anything similar, I melt and relax them, with my presence and full attention.

  1. I'm not interested in BDSM at all. Can I still benefit from the coaching?

Again, here kink is more of a metaphor than any specific scene, look, or action. It's an attitude of loving the pain & pleasure cocktail, embracing the paradoxes of life, and being radically honest about your longing.

If you've never done or thought of any of that... you may well need a little shaking-up from your current life.

  1. What does a session look like?

We can do it online or in person (in Amsterdam). Both can be very powerful - My clients are oftentimes amazed how bodywork can be done via a zoom call.

Part of the session looks just like any other coaching/ therapy - I listen to you deeply, with curiosity and an open heart, without judgments or cheap advice. I ask you questions; I reframe your stories; I connect the pearly dots that you overlooked.

At a certain point, I'll invite you into a different space than talking. I will use silence or objective description to amplify the discomfort in your body. And then we'll play with that - surrendering to it, or fighting it, or both, by trying different ways of breathing, or having some micro adjustment to your posture. This can be done with or without me touching you.

Laughter, sighing, yawning, weeping, gibberish, groaning, gasping, cursing, and singing are very common in my sessions.

So are stretching, curling up, jumping, and shaking.

Sometimes it's none of these, but just silence, in which you simply know, you'll never be the same again.

  1. Is it safe?

The healing and transformative space is not a safe space. It's a brave space.

To make it safeR, though, we need context-setting. This is one of the most valuable skills I learned from years of group facilitation. With that comes a lot of clarity, hence (relative) safety. At any point, if you want a container that's soft and loving, gently nudging you towards the discomfort, I'd be happy to hold space for you; or if you're up for experimenting, we'll make the rules and scope clear.

Bottom line is, that I have a lot of experience dealing with trauma responses. And my body can quickly detect the early signs of overwhelm, so chances are we're not going to end up there.

  1. Sounds pretty adventurous. Where are the boundaries?

Glad that you care about boundaries. I love them. They make the play/healing more wild, daring, and at the same time safeR.

  • I do conversations, deep guided meditation and visualization, dream work, and bodywork, but no sex work.
  • During the session, you may touch my hands, but no other places (hugs are exceptions of course). I'll touch you with your consent.
  • You're welcome to touch your own body, including genitals, but I won't be involved.
  • Insult, sexist or racist comments are not welcome unless it's in a clearly negotiated role play for healing purposes.
  • Definitely no physical harm or psychological manipulation of any kind.
  1. What's your background and specialties?

My doctoral training was partly in anthropology. That made me very good at asking heart-opening questions with a unprejudiced mind. And I know I'll never understand someone if I come from a condescending place. I'm open to learning, being challenged and humbled.

I am also a certified Circling facilitator, and the skills I cultivated from which have laid the foundation for all other therapeutic/ coaching work I do: being present, observant, compassionate, curious, honest, courageous, and acknowledging it when I don't know. Following what's alive, I oftentimes get to see one's patterns and blindspots very quickly.

I use a lot of parts work in my sessions. I got mentored by an IFS (Internal Family System) Level 3 therapist and teacher.
I practice for years Orthobionomy - the body's self-healing technique.

However, the insights I gain from ordinary life are as valuable, if not more:

  • The morning stillness.
  • The recurring dreams.
  • The rupture and repair with my loved ones.
  • The big emotions of my toddler that got melted in my arms.
alt text

Feeling enthused or hesitant?

Either way, book a free intake call with me.

Or write me an email you introvert.

J2 - framedbyemily-105.jpg

More Resources:

I Microdosed on Psilocybin for 30 Days, and Tracked Its Lasting Effects

How to Really Break Free From Old Patterns

What if Freaking Out and Shutting Down are Perfectly Normal? (Podcast interview with Dr. Greg Siegle)

What is Circling?